If you follow me on other platforms you know I have spent the last week posting gorgeous and playful pictures of my solo trip to Iceland. I embarked on a tour that I thought catered to single travelers and was designed for lots of active adventure. Instead, through my own rushed planning, I ended up on a much more leisurely circumnavigation of Iceland. With four other couples. Three of which are proud Massholes. Oh - and it gets really cold and windy in Iceland in mid-September if you did not know that.
Truthfully, my travel companions could not have been more fun and inclusive.
And I saw some unbelievable sites that will stick with me for the rest of my life. An iceberg - a chunk from the melting glacier - literally deteriorating and breaking apart in front of us. Waterfalls that brought me unexpected joy. And a seal floating on a piece of ice with a level of serenity I will seek to achieve.
But this trip also confirmed something I had already come to terms with: I am not made to travel solo. Not professionally where my greatest gift is in building high-performing, mission driven teams (who like to have fun in the process), and not personally where I will almost always choose a party over reading a book, invite strangers and friends for a drink and open my house to extended family on holidays.
I am on the verge of making an announcement on the professional front to transition out of my consulting & advisory roles into an operating role. I am super excited and grateful to the folks who continue to have confidence in me.
The harder part is personal and that was what this journey was part of determining. Besides being unaffordable and impractical at this stage of my life, perpetual travel as a fifth wheel - no matter how welcoming my travel companions - is simply a constant reminder of what I’ve lost. I’ve managed to power through with smiles, jokes and vodka - and I have a new group of friends who join the ranks of those who believe I deserve my own reality tv series. I have created fantastic social media content, too! But, as I continue to encourage my daughters to find their own “people” and happiness, I have increasingly had to admit that many days I miss companionship almost as much as I miss Chuck. It has taken me a long time to process this. Longer to think through what it means for me and the girls. And a shit-ton of courage to see if there could possibly be a person worth spending my precious time with who could accept all this complexity and who I would actually want to spend time with considering the trouble & risk to my fragile emotions. So yes, to the sleuths who have read into an earlier post: I have begun dating. It has brought me happiness and joy and a lot of complicated feelings that I can’t yet name. I am keeping this new phase private for now. I do know this: like so many other areas of my life, I am extremely blessed and lucky.
Lastly, definitely bring wind pants if you go to Iceland. I will be returning home with a pair - in addition to new friends, beautiful memories and a deeper understanding of who I am and where I am going.
Bless you.
<3